A void that cannot be filled except by Allah

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Sabhaanallahi wa bihamdihi adada khalqihi wa rida nafsihi wazinata arshihi wa midaada kalimaatih

Glory be to Allah and Praise be to Him by the number of His creation and His pleasure and by the weight of His Throne and the ink of His Words.

                                       A void that cannot be filled except by Allah

There were two major influences in my early life , Christianity from my mother’s Irish Catholic family and Judaism from my father’s heritage. Alhumdu lillah from that combination, Allah SWT most Gracious guided me to the religion of Ibrahim AS) “ Islamic Monotheism “, who was neither a Christian or a Jew .

And they say, "Be Jews or Christians, then you will be guided." Say (to them, O Muhammad Peace be upon him ), "Nay, (We follow) only the Millat of Ibrahim (Abraham), Hanifa [Islamic Monotheism, i.e. to worship none but Allah (Alone)], and he was not of Al-Mushrikun (those who worshipped others along with Allah -  2:105)."

At the age of 12 a calamity hit my family .It devastated my ideal life and threw me into the pangs of distress  and anxiousness and woke me to the reality of life “ death “. It was at that time that I started to question the purpose of life also  question my faith that I’d be brought up upon and it was at that time that I left the Christian religion and placed my beloved Jesus peace be upon him  in  a position of a noble man but certainly not son of God and something that never entered my mind was that he could  be God himself that was never akin to my thinking . I knew who My God was and He knew  my inner most thoughts and He was my only real support  during that time of darkness .Even though I’d loved Jesus more than any earthly man I decided to distance myself from him and move closer to my Creator my only source of comfort .

So this became the beginning of a long journey, a search for the reason of my existence and death itself and the answers to my questioning mind .Within a short period  I felt so apart from the society I lived in and the family I loved , nothing appealed to me ,it was as though I’d been awakened from a sweet  dream  to a nightmare , my  life seemed so worthless ,my surroundings  so false . I no longer wanted to be a part of it . Death became more alluring.

Over the following years I looked into many different religions. Firstly Judaism, I read as much as I could from sources at home and the library [ there was  no internet then ] but I found it ungenerous and stark.   I would read extensively about  different cultures and ways of alternate life styles trying to seek something that would light a spark in my heart . I was interested in anything that was distant from western society and its addiction with materialism and  the illusionary facade of civilisation which I wanted no part of .

Surely life had something valuable to offer ,that was my hope , which would fade every time I summarized a new endeavour and found it lacking in substance. When I was 17 I started nursing thinking that helping others would give me purpose and hoping it would settle my heart  . I  investigated Buddhism , Hinduism , and “ born again Christianity “ A friend asked me if I believed in God and I said I believe in a Creator and a controller of everything but I dont know  His name .

All those years had been extremely difficult for me I would function do what needed to be done but inside I was in a desperate state which could only be quelled by my closeness to my Creator ,my times of solitude with Him was my only pleasure .That last year was an agony I felt like a caged bird who desperately needed to fly,  I felt dead already , so I decided not for the first time to return to my loving Lord , only my concern for my family had stopped me before but the pain and sorrow had become unbearable . Even though I knew suicide was wrong but my intention was  to be with the one who understood me and had always been my companion .To grow up in a environment without firm guidance and knowledge is the most destructive force to a young mind . Its a darkness beyond compare .

 And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided. 2;186

 Just when Id reached the lowest point in my life about to fall into the abyss  , it was then that I meant my first Muslim and my world opened up to a completely different world Alhumdu Lillahi Rabil Alaimeen  Islam captured my heart ,  I found the name of my constant friend in Heaven Allah Azza wa Jall my Guardian and Protector , my world started to look different brighter clearer I found my beloved Jesus AS) rightful position as a Prophet of Allah I found the truth through the word of Allah the magnificent Quran and its rivers of purity. I found my position in this life and my answers to life after death .

I discovered a world of never ending spiritual awakenings and have grown to understand and marvel at Allah SWT plan for man. From the beginning Islam seemed so right so natural hence Fitra , the Quran so irresistible and my beloved Prophet Muhammed peace and blessings be upon him ) a incredibly patient teacher and role model who I never cease to  love admire and respect wholeheartedly  .Prophet Jesus AS) rightful position only confirmed my belief ,it was the logical answer.

Indeed, We have revealed to you, [O Muhammad], as We revealed to Noah and the prophets after him. And we revealed to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, the Descendants, Jesus, Job, Jonah, Aaron, and Solomon, and to David We gave the book [of Psalms]. 4;163

And [We sent] messengers about whom We have related [their stories] to you before and messengers about whom We have not related to you. And Allah spoke to Moses with [direct] speech 4;164

[We sent] messengers as bringers of good tidings and warners so that mankind will have no argument against Allah after the messengers. And ever is Allah Exalted in Might and Wise. 4;165

Im getting older now and I’m writing this to the disillusioned youth who are born into an unjust materialistic world ruled by greedy , corrupt , stale old men . Men who do  care for humanity.

You have vision....  they  don’t!!!  You can have integrity and a noble life ....they don’t  

So you can live as a slave to them and their destructive ways or you can live as a slave to the ONE  who cares for you more than you can ever comprehend

All I can say to the sons and daughters of Adam As) ..Islam is the only way of life worth living

Ive done all the hard work take a short cut

Read the Quran – Its mind blowing !!!

 And the last of their call will be, "Praise to Allah , Lord of the worlds!" 10;10

Sincerely bint Ibrahim AS) ... 2004